Friday, July 25, 2008

Seeing through tears

It has been a while since I have posted anything. I have been busy but whats new about that. I think the real problem in the last 6 months or so is a lack of words. Sometimes I guess you can say that my brain is blank for whatever reason. A lot of things have changed and a lot of things have stayed the same and have even become better. My art group/business is doing pretty good, while we have not sold enough to remove the title starving artists from our group we are all getting along well. All three of us are growing and learning what kind of compositions and paintings work the best. We are exhibiting continuously.

Jerry has left Stiles Machinery and went to work for a company in Sacramento, CA. He is there now working and trying to find housing for us. Yes before the year is out we will be moved. Our plans are to lease our house out until the market improves so that we can sell it or maybe move back later...who knows at this moment.

Michael and his long time girlfriend Hillary got married on July 5th. It was a beautiful wedding in our backyard on the lake. The day could not have been more perfect. We spent the next week recovering from all the excitement. Mike and Hill left for their honeymoon that weekend.


On Monday the 14th of July they found Mikes best friend dead. It was devastating for the whole family. Ben had been a part of our family for as long as I can remember. He spent summers living with us, he went on family vacations with us. He was like one of my kids. We called Mike at Disney World and broke the news to him. Ben's funeral was on Friday and Jerry flew in from Sacramento and Mike and Hillary flew back early. The funeral was delayed until Mike was able to get there after flying in that morning and having to drive from Detroit. Going to the funeral home for the viewing was one of the hardest things I have had to do. But standing on the curb with Ben's family waiting for Mike to get there was a memory I will never forget. Ben's open casket was right inside the door waiting for Mike to say his final goodbye. The sorrow and concern for Mike was overwhelming. The funeral I thought was as good as a funeral can get. There were many memories of Ben that were shared. He was well loved. Ben had many many friends. He touched so many lives yet the question has to be asked, "How could somebody that was loved by so many people be able to abuse drugs and overdose?" Ben was always there...he just was and I guess we took it for granted. There is a fine line between life and death and he crossed it one too many times and in a way we all sat back and watched. Some tried to reach him...Mike tried. Could we all have done more? Would anything we said or did saved Ben? I don't know...but the one thing I do know is that the only time I personally told Ben I loved him and cared about him was as he lay lifeless in his casket. That is sad. I hope I never have these regrets again. Many lessons can be learned from Ben...his life and his death. I love you Ben.


I have many plans for the future. I am working on several paintings for Bold Strokes. I am almost finished and then I have an idea for a composition for a painting for Ben's parents. Before Ben's death I have had an idea concerning portraits and what having a portrait of yourself emotionally does for a person. In the next blogs I will elaborate more on my thoughts and share the beginnings of my portrait of Ben.